so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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