my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
