I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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