I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
