This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
