dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
