well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
