guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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