I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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