Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
