Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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