I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
