i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
