Me too!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
