you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
