i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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