Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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