My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
