True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
