eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
