ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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