tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
