I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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