You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
