Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
