I faked an abortion last night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize