i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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