Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
