After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
