we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
