and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
