She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
