Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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