I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
