R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
