I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
