if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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