I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
