when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
