went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
