ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize