Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
