I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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