just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
