her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
