She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
