someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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