I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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