My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
