Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this boner is exhausting
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
