the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
