Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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