We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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