I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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