just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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