I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
