I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I did not marry a roomba.
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