Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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