How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
