dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
