i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
