oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
