Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You are the jesus of drinking
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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