That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
