I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize