we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize