Kiss
Puke
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
