ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Still dying that you shit outside
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
