When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You may now shotgun with the bride
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
