Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
