I'm so fucking centered right now
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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