I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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