You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
