I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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